June 2013
(500) days of staying in front of the computer.
*punches hole through casket* i forgot to clear my history
being lazy walks in my family
i used to be a really smart kid who was “going places” but now i just cry a lot and eat all the food in the fridge
one time my parents were gone for the weekend
so i took everything in the house and moved it five inches to the left.
it was subtle enough that it wasn’t obvious but they felt like something was off when they got back
and they kept bumping into the corners of tables and couches
i am a cruel man
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
HOT AS FUCK
i love donuts. they’re not self-centered at all.
- me: looks at pet sleeping
- pet:
- me:
- pet:
- me:
- pet:
- me:
- pet: breathes
- me: oh thank god i thought you died
“that’s fucked up.”
—me trying to console someone (via qodless)
- me during the whole episode: *yells 'what the fuck'*
- me at the end of the episode: *whispers 'what the fuck'*
dont you love that feeling where you and your best friend are just with each other laughing so hard at something so simple and you can’t breathe and its just feels like the whole world just goes in slow motion and you just feel pure happiness and you just are so full of brightness and everything is funny and you feel like everything is going to be okay and anything is possible
i cant believe all dads were born today wow science is amazing
